Tonight, before my dad went to bed, he gave me a weird look and a nod as if to say “I know something about you. I know a dark secret about you. Or I know how you really are.” It was really weird. There is no secret. If I read into it more, I start to think that he’s saying “look, at my friends. I’m popular and you’re not.” i’m the best. Whatever though. I’m just going to avoid him more often this week. that’s been working for me and I know that’s what I need to do. Just avoid him and his creepy looks. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s not trying to be creepy on purpose but that he’s just doing it on accident. Just avoid him more.
My day was good up until that point. So I’m going to give the day a 95%, as strong A. I’m played the drums (did some cool things with off beat metronome pulses) and I played the guitar, did some good work with a song I’m working on. Also, I just chilled out and watched Scrubs. It was a good day. and I still managed to take 3 cold showers (it is refreshing and relieves stress).
Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my old boss to discuss a rehire. Then, I have work at my current job. . . 5 hours. . . not so bad. and then I need to practice drums. . . or guitar. . . one of those. then it’ll be time to read and go to bed.
I’ll have to do my homework the next day, wednesday.If i keep on that pace, I’ll be done with my homework on friday. . . . or maybe I’ll just finish half by thursday and the rest on sunday. . . . . . . . .I have to see. . . . .. . . . . . maybe. . . . . . . . or maybe I won’t play drums
I am the master of you puppets. I like you when you dance around for me. muahahahaha now bow. bow to your master muahahahahahha. hey dude. what’s up. I don’t even know what I’m writing about. okay now but I just thought of something now I practiced drums today and I played a little guitar. today was a good day so far. hey that rhymed. anyways I bought melatonin and 2 new shirts and some la croix. let’s see how much money I have left. Okay. I have 142 dollars. . . . that means that i can absolutely not buy anything except for gas until my next paycheck. I’m going to apply for another job. It’s going to be with my old boss and I’m a little leery about it. I’m going to be making complete commission and I don’t know if I can do it yet. I need to have a better attitude about it though so yeah. I think i CAN make money doing it. I will need to save up enough money so that I can have enough gas to get back and forth from work without having to ask my dad for money.
I’m getting bored dude. like reheeeelly bored dude. not even funny god I can’t even write any more with my own voice. I lost my voice I swear to god. It’s been so long since I’ve actually written or spoken genuinely that I don’t even know what I think or what I want to say anymore. It’s like I can’t even tell myself the truth anymore. I’m just lost in the. . . see I’m doing it again. everything is say seems so contrived. my writing is fake. I feel like I’m just lying to everyone when I write now. I don’t know how to get my voice back. I used to be good at this i swear to god. now i don’t even know if i was good at it. all I know was that doing it before really helped clean my mind out of all other thoughts and really brought me into the present. screw this I’m going to play a typing game.
Today got a hell of a lot better after I practiced guitar. I’m happy with the way I can play. I need to practice more though. It was fun today. I pigged out hardcore today too. I ate an entire pizza except one slice and then I ate linguini and then I ate a hotdog. Today was good. I’m glad I’m in a good mood while I write this because it would be shit if not. I don’t know what else to write. Oh yeah and I did some stuff for my business
I’m so freaking happy that it’s cheat day. For the next 22.5 hours, it’s up to me to eat as much bad carbohydrate as possible. Bring on the noodles and soda! Today was also pay day and I feel stoked. Omg yes! But I do feel bad that I’m neglecting practice for a while until tomorrow. I really do but today I’m going to do whatever I want today woot.
I’m doing better than I think. I just practiced drums for a total of two hours and I finished working on some sketches for a product I’m making. Also, I’m on track with my homework and work is going well. I can’t ask for more except of course, the 4-hour workweek. I’m obsessed! okay, I’m almost there. I have a problem, though, with some of tim ferriss’ advice. I know that I’m supposed to test demand for my product before investing money into it. Tim says to test the demand by making a mock up page with stock photos and ask people to buy the product. It goes like this: customer finds the sales page and wants the product. then, customer proceeds to fill out shipping information. finally customer is greeted by a message that says “this product is on back order”. sounds simple. I’m having a problem though. . . I think that if I test demand using a shitty website, a mockup that is not true to the site, and sales copy that isn’t convincing, I will lose potential customers and deem the business unworthy when really it might have potential.
so I’m going to hire a web designer. hire a copy writer, hire someone to make a video for me and then test the demand.
I’m feeling tired today. Mostly because I’ve had a long day at work. The time goes by so slowly there sometimes. . . . . . . . . . . I keep looking at the clock all day thinking that it will go by quicker but it doesn’t I can’t really see myself there for a long time. Actually, I’m thinking about quitting. But I need the money so that I can start a business. I actually need the money. I keep thinking that I can just quit then finish school before I start working on the business but I really don’t want to keep procrastinating on starting the business. My god, I don’t know what to do. I really just want to leave and find another job. but this is the one I have right now and it pays 13 at 25 hours per week. not many other places can give me that right now. Hopefully, after I finish school, I’ll be making 45k doing SEO. That’s my hope. I just have to stick it out for a short time longer and then I’ll be fine.
I feel like I’m doing a little better than I was yesterday because I practiced a full two hours of drums today. It as split into two parts. . . and one of those parts was a drum lesson . . . but I still practiced two hours. And what’s better than that is . . . I learned some funky James brown beats. I’m stoked nigggaaaaa. anyways I still have to do homework tonight. I’m going to finish all of my homework for my google analytics class tonight. it should take me no more than 3 hours. on top of that. I need to read 30 min and also work on my business for 30 min as well. so, I have about 4 hours and 30 min ahead of me including breaks. . . . so let’s see it’s 9:30 pm now. so I should be done at. . . . . 1 2 3. . . carry the 2 . . . . . . math. . . . . . 2 am! weeee hoooooooo shit. I have a lot of work to do. damn. but bring it on.
I’m really not doing that well but I keep thinking everything alright. But it’s not. I’m stagnating. I’ve been trying to keep up my drumming and my school work and work at the same time and I’m just falling to a pattern of procrastination. The biggest failure that I see is not practicing drums on time. Last week, for example, I lost 3 hours of practice time. Not good. I’d been playing drums consistently 6 days a week for a year up until the past 3 weeks. I cannot let this become a habit. Now. What can I do differently? My schedule allows me to play drums for two hours before work. The reason I haven’t been waking up to play is …. I’m lazy and I keep thinking that I can make up the time later….. I am lazy but I cannot make up the time later since I need to practice on the days that I would make it up on. So, thinking that I can make up the time later is not a valid excuse. Now let’s tackle the laziness. I think that I can bribe myself to get out of bed early enough to practice with food. I’m going to make a deal with myself (at least for tomorrow ) that I can eat anything, including things that break my diet if I wake up in time to play. Okay I’ll try that.
Whoa. I keep forgetting my that my life is actually real. I have these crystallizing moment when I’m done doing my homework that make me realize what I’m doing with my life and where I’m going. Right now, I have no homework and I’m taking a moment to pause. And I’m thinking now I have a break. And now I don’t know what to do with my time other than read.
I am really in a lot of trouble with my drum playing. I know that no matter what I think, should be playing drums more. I’m finally getting to a place where I need to push myself to the next level. It’s no longer fun for me to figure of different patterns with 16th notes. I need to add 32nd notes in order to happy. I also want to do hi hat opens on the off beats with 16th notes patterns on the hi hat. I know that I have plenty to work on. I can do double strike rolls. And I can do different 16th note patterns on the hi hat. I don’t know why I don’t practice these things except that I am lazy. But I’m going to try it tomorrow.