I’m lying taking a break from reading. As I write this, my extended family is outside barbecuing and celebrating a birthday and Mother’s Day, both at the same time. Double the fun. I can’t bring myself out there because I feel awkward. And I figure I make other people feel awkward because I’m so awkward. So I’m sitting here reading the grapes of wrath. And there’s no one to bother me and there ain’t no one I’m bothering.
I used to celebrate before college. But now I don’t. Some sort of fear fell on me during college about talking to people. I wasn’t afraid of what people though of me but now I do. I started caring just to be polite and I started caring so much that I became afraid I wasn’t acting right.
I can hear my family laughing. And that makes me afraid.