So I’m starting this post at 3:27am because tomorrow would be too late. It’s dark in my room, except for an orange tinge that hums through my mirror. I can see my round gut rising and falling in the light of my laptop screen. I’m in the shade of a palm tree on a tropical island.
I’ve been wrestling around in thought since 2:44, thinking about all the ways I can make my life better. Lying half-astonished at the realizations bending their way through my streams of thought, 2:44 started out as a genuine attempt to go to sleep. I started thinking that I need a planner so I can do more stuff with my time. Then, I started thinking about what I hope to accomplish by doing more stuff. What makes all this stuff worth it? I asked myself, “What do I want to do with my life?” I knew the answer right away: make sure that it doesn’t end.
Some people say they have kids so they can have somebody to love and so they can be loved by that somebody. But I think people have kids because it makes them last forever, especially if you teach your kids to teach their kids what you taught them. Fill my shoes and then some. (I think most parents want their kids to be better than they are. But some parents, like my dad, feel challenged if they ever think their kids can be better than them at anything. I mean it. I have a sneaking suspicion that my dad feels very challenged because I play instruments better than he does.)
I don’t want kids though.
I’m going to make something else that lasts forever. Like teachers do with their students. I don’t know what it is yet. But I reckon it’s going to be music, writing, business, or any combination of the three. The more stuff I do to work towards making something last forever, makes it more likely to last forever. As soon as I decide what it’s going to be, I can decide what stuff to do with my time.