Felling high even though I’m not high. I don’t know why that is. I’m so tired but first I’m going to tell you about today. Today was an epic fail. I feel bad that I’m saying. Like I’m getting down on myself and hurting my own feelings but I know that I’m not doing as well as I should. I think I’m starting to make exceptio because everything’s been going well for a while. I don’t want to let things slide though writing about this is good
So my friend. How are you? Ha right. you can’t answer me because this is not actually a conversation. Anyways. I’m fine. Thank you for not asking. I want to tell you all about my day and the realizations I had. Okay so let’s start from the top. I woke up this morning and I had a dentist appointment. It went well even though the nurse was a neurotic tinkling deer. I have a follow up appointment to fit my night guard. so that went okay. . .
Then I went to three separate counseling sessions and I found out that Saddleback college has the courses i need and that they provide the classes to take concurrently.
I bought some shirts. . . everything went well up until that point. I ended up worrying about my cat getting out in the future that I decided to take preventative measures to make sure that he would come back. That took me forever and I missed my usual drumming time. . . not good. I could’ve just done it another time. I really could have. I justified skipping the drumming time by saying that I would make up the time by playing guitar. . . .but that’s stupid because DRUMS AND GUITAR ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE!!!!
-As I write this i’m thinking “what if i split the time between guitar and drums?. . . What if I played drum MOnwedfri and played guitar tuethusat?” part of me thinks this is a bad idea – that I should just pick one instrument and give it my all. . . . . . . part of me thinks this is exactly what I need to keep me interested in the drums. . . because it’ll give me a break from doing the same thing over and over. . .. . Right now I’m deciding against it. . . But I’m really not. I don’t see myself not being able to play the guitar. If only I had 4 hours per day to practice. then I would be able to practice both instruments for 2 hours per day.
NAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH. I’m just getting to the point where I’m beginning to get better at the drums. . . . . . . .. .
But myahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI just might do it. .. . I’ll sleep on it. but maybe not
I’m so tired that I can barely write. But fuck it. let’s do it. So I had a shitty day today. . . I didn’t work on business like I planned because I was wasting a lot of time today playing Magic and watching TV. I could’ve gotten to work but I didn’t because I felt like procrastinating which we all know. . . is not good. Dude!
My my dad left my cat outside today and we almost lost him forever. I don’t know what I would do if i lost my cat. my cat is there for me everyday without me having to ask. I found him when I was about to work on business. I saw him outside the dining room door.
That’s it I’m too tired to write anymore. I just had a shitty day.
Today was not a productive day and that’s not okay. It’s really not okay. I don’t mean to get down on myself in front of you and thereby embarrass you. But really, I wasn’t productive at all today and that’s not okay.
I know where I went wrong too. I was thrown off many times tonight. First, I had a drum lesson when I don’t usually have a drum lesson in the middle of the week. I ate dinner and went to the gym and everything went fine there. But the next thing could’ve been avoided completely. I went to the super market with my sister and wasted a lot of time doing it. I’d say it added an hour to the night -delaying everything by an hour and squeezing productive time out of my day.
Well, that wasn’t the only thing that took up my time today: I stood around cooking with my sister for an hour when I shouldn’t have been. I mean, I completely wasted the night.
You might ask, “Well, what did you want to accomplish today, Marcus?” Well I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I really really really want a zig a zig, ah. No not really. I really wanted to play guitar for an hour and work on business for 30 minutes. but that didn’t happen. And now I have to make up that time on Sunday. Yes, I have to play guitar on Sunday and I will also need to work on business on Sunday -When Sunday was the day I was supposed to relax.
Now, a certain positive voice in my head is telling me that it’s all good and that I will just do better next time. But that voice is premature in its optimism because I haven’t thought of ways to be more productive tomorrow – Which is the main purpose of this blog post besides just venting. (Do I use dashes too much? -like this?)
Okay. so what can I do better tomorrow? I know what I can do better tomorrow. I can start by not buying any soda tomorrow. (I know that seems random but I’ve been trying to save money and cut back on soda anyway. So there’s that) And I can make myself breakfast tomorrow. -sausages. And then I can get eat something right when I get home from work. And then, after that, I can start playing the drums right away at 5PM so that I have two full hours of practice time before I need to stop at 7 for the neighbors. Then, I’ll eat/read until 7:55 at which time I will start working on business for 30 minutes. For business, I will work on CAD designs. Then, I will write a blog post and organize. and then it will 9pm and then I will get ready for bed and be in bed by 9:30. Falling asleep at 10 for 8 hours until I need to wake up again for work at six. Oh and I have to do the dishes somewhere in there.
So I guess that’s a pretty good summary of how I will be productive tomorrow. I still want to keep that voice out of my head though because it keeps telling me that things will just get better on their own. I know they won’t. I have to work at it.
I liked writing this blog post. Actually I’m stilling liking it as I write it. I think my blog should be about reflecting on my day and looking toward the next with some ideas for improvement.
OH SHIT. I HAVE TO ASK MY BOSS AND MY DRUM TEACHER FOR THEIR EMAILS SO THAT I CAN GET A LETTER OF REC FROM THEM FOR A MASTERS PROGRAM AT GEORGIA TECH.
I had a pretty fucking good day. Excuse my French. I mean it though. Despite snoozing all day at work, I wasn’t fired. Work is just like that. My current place of employment rates high among my favorite jobs. Enough about work though. I went into zen mode when I played drums today. And I also went into zen mode when I was reading The Sirens of Titan. That’s what I’m stoked about- going into zen mode. I felt timelessness and I felt free from anxiety and I felt engaged. And I felt all this at once. At one point my boner ripped through my pants. Just kidding. I didn’t have a boner. The end
So, I got further along in the sirens of titan. I’m really liking it. but that’s not what I really want to talk about. I want to talk about a conversation that my sister and I had. Well it wasn’t really a conversation as much as her just saying negative things to me. So it started when I said I was going to the gym. she said “no, just fucking stay. dinner going to be ready”. I basically said no, “it’s not good to eat right before a workout”. She said that it’s not good for people who actually work out not for me. And then she proceeded to tell me that I’m not really working out at all and it was all very negative and I thought she should be supporting me instead of getting down on me. It’s a good habit after all. I decided that I’m going to just ignore her and then I will keep going
I’m really bummed out that I can barely find any teachers to give me a letter of recommendation. I’ve already contact 6 professors and only one has replied. Thank god for him. I’ll probably have to ask my online teachers who are teaching my certificate courses for recommendations. I don’t know them that well so it might be awkward and too forward. But I need to ask them if I run out of options. I also might ask my boss. . . but that would be maybe too much to ask since he’s only been my boss since january. . . I wish there was a rule book on when it’s appropriate to ask for favors. . . .. . . I’ll see who responds in the next week.
I took like 500mg of wellbutrin today and I feel great. I can concentrate and I have a lot of energy -Almost too much energetic. I was actually feeling antsy- like I wanted to do something stimulating like playing video games or play guitar. I worked on my fills today when drumming. Oh yeah and I have to tell you something weird that happened. And maybe you can clear it up for me. I’m sure that I’m having paranoid thoughts about people judging me. today I felt like the people at the card shop didn’t want me there. at least the owner. it seemed like he was trying to rush me out of the store at one point. which i don’t appreciate. then again he might not have been. i really want to get along with the people at the magic store. but I don’t know what to say or what to talk about. . . it would be perfect if we just played magic and didn’t say anything.
Okay. so I saved today but only by a hair. I went out to dinner with my sister and to a movie with my sister afterwards. . . so I didn’t have time to do the things that I needed to do. or so I thought. . . I ended up working on business anyway up until the time of this post. ONe bad thing is that I didn’t have time to play music. I played for about an hour and ten minutes. . . and, as you know. I’m supposed to practice music at least two hours per day. I’ll make it up tomorrow. That’s about it. I’m still running a streak on taking a cold shower 7 days a week.
I had a good day today. I think maybe it’s because of my medicine. Maybe it’s because I’m packing my full now and I’m really just entertained all day. maybe that’s it. I feel like I’m doing better overall. Now, it’s only been two days I’ve had this feeling. But I think I’m on to something good. So, I want to keep this going. I have a good way of tracking what I’m doing too, using an app on my phone to track my habits it’s been working well of course. . . and that’s why I feel this way. I hope tomorrow goes as well as today and yesterday did.
The only real complaint I have is that I watched too much TV today and I don’t think that I practiced guitar long enough. I was only supposed to watch 30 min of TV and I watched about an hour instead. . . . I’m going to try to avoid doing that in the future. Also, I’m sure that I played guitar for at least 45 min. . . but I was supposed to practice an hour. .. I’m not sure if I did play an hour because I got interrupted by dinner and didn’t keep track of time closely. I’ll make up 15 minutes either saturday or sunday just to make sure.
Everything else is going well. I’ve already told you that I’m working on business more during the week -30 min per day, six days per week. –in case you forgot. so that’s going well. work is going well. I’m finally making some money now.
So I’m getting tired now. but long story short, I’m doing well and I think things are going to stay that way.
See you tomorrow.