Hey Brain Dumpers,
I’m having trouble going to bed a reasonable time and it’s screwing my whole life up. I was tired all day today because I didn’t go to sleep last night until like 2AM. I drank a bunch of Diet Coke and that didn’t really help at all. I also found out that salt increase risk of heart disease and heart failure, which means I need to stop drinking so much Diet Coke. . . . so lack of sleep is increasing my risk of heart failure. I stop studying every night at 10:30 and then promptly hop back on the Internet to spoil my brain. Not good. I keep doing this and I really fucking like it but I want it to stop. I really do. I know that I can just turn on the Self Control Mac app to prevent me from going on social media. . . that would be a good idea. But I’m tempted to go on social media so much that I don’t want to turn it on. Tonight, I just kept watching videos and kept scrolling through random stuff on Facebook until midnight. Time just flew by. I think I might just need to a lot some time to go on social media at night so that I can get it out of my system. . . but I’m doing that now already and I’m still not stopping. I just need self-discipline. I need to use the Self-Control app. That will be my ticket out.
I’m having a weird experience with myself lately. I feel less guilty for wasting time than I usually do. I think that things are going so well that I feel less guilty overall. Guilt is good though, it motivates me to do better and to seek improvement. I’m not guilty enough. I’m getting too comfortable too. I feel so comfortable that I’m no longer wanting to change things in my life, and that’s not good. I don’t want to become the fat man in the red BMW. I’m doing well but I’m not doing well enough. I don’t have my Master’s degree yet, I don’t have a house yet. I don’t have complete control over myself yet. I’m not at an acceptable weight yet. I can’t rest right now. I need to keep improving. I’m not that good of a drummer yet. There are so many things that I need to improve. But I’m feeling content and that’s not good. Oh god what has my life become I’m getting so complacent and I don’t want to be here at this place. My whole life is just joke right now. Maybe I won’t go so far as to say that but I indeed need to improve I feel like I need to motivate myself more and that I need to take action by reading more books about taking action and that I need to read more in general. I really need to make sure that I stay motivated to do more for myself. I really want to improve and now I’m thinking that I don’t really want things to change but that is a really bad thought. I think I should always want things to change for the better.
By going to bed earlier, I will have more energy to complete the things that I need to complete each day. drumming gym and studying. . . right now I’m thinking that I won’t do anything with this realization and it’s not good