I Feel Like I Accomplished Nothing Today

Brain Dumpers,

Welcome to another episode of Marcus Brain Dumps. I’m your host, Marcus. My last name shall forever be a secret.

I’m coming to you today in a state of unrest.  I feel uneasy because I feel like I didn’t really accomplish anything today -like today didn’t even matter. From an outside perspective, I accomplished several things:

  1. Got my blood drawn for lab tests. Kind of an accomplishment
  2. Played 90 minutes of drums
  3. Finished some extra credit for my programming class
  4. Read The 4-Hour Workweek

That’s a pretty good day I guess. But I’m upset because I didn’t do more. I should have practiced drums for 2 full hours. I should have studied for my test after finishing the extra credit. I should have gone to the gym. But I’m also having another thought: would it have really mattered if I had done all the things I was supposed to do? I guess I need to find purpose. I say that my purpose is to eventually help people. But I don’t know what that means. I also have a new thought that I need to express myself and make music or art. . . . I don’t know. I think I’m on the right path to finding purpose. My ultimate goal is to share music with people that they will enjoy. Something that gives them catharsis -like Dashboard Confessional. I’ll need to rethink the way I’m approaching music and really think about how I’m going to spend my time if I want to make the music that I want to make. I can feel myself getting excited by the thought.

But I want to do something interesting too. Funk screamo?

Idk

Marcus

Howdy doody, Brain Dumpers,

I’m going to break down the success I’m having with my habits. I really haven’t been reading that much and it’s bad. I’ve probably read only like 50 pages in the past week. . . I’m supposed to read 30 minutes a day which means about 15 pages per day which means  download.jpeg

105 pages per week.  I’m less than half for the week. I want to say that I’ve had no time because I’ve been studying but that’s not true. I have time. I just waste time instead just looking at random videos. So, that’s bad. . .

I also have not been writing blog posts consistently and that’s been going on for like 2 months now. I really need to blog because it’s my chance to reflect on my progress with my life and my habits. So, I need to do that. The Internet pretty much gets in the way. I mean I LET it get in the way. I have to stop. I downloaded an app that will stop me from using certain sites for a designated period of time. It works wonders when I use it, I just dread using it so much I can’t get myself to turn it on. I guess that’s something I need to get used to. Even if I DO turn the app on, I always have my phone to distract me. . . Maybe I should just get a flip phone? But probably not, because then I can’t upload pictures of food. Something I have a good track record of doing for the past 2 years. I really can’t stop. . . it’s too much of my online presence to give up. . . Plus I want to be held accountable for the things that I eat. That was the whole of starting it. I should really be aware of the image that I’m putting out. I should only try to eat healthy food. Really. Except for 24 hours on the weekend. But yeah. . . Not doing all that well with my habits. I should really be drinking less caffeine too. But that doesn’t bother me that much

If I were to list the things that weren’t going right they would be

  • not studying consistently
  • not drumming at a consistent time
  • spending too much time surfing the internet, which is a big one
  • staying up too late
  • not reading enough
  • not going to the gym consistently

I have these reflective moments but it’s hard to do something about it. I guess it’s not actually if I were to think of way to work on these things they would be

  • not studying consistently: schedule out a time and place to study. give myself 1 dollar for every 45 minutes of studying
  • not drumming at a consistent time: schedule out a time and a place to drum. make sure that I stick to my study schedule so that I don’t need to study in place of my drumming time
  • for spending too much time on the internet: turn on the self- control app and turn on the Offtime app after I get out of the gym at night
  • staying up too late: this is solved when I stop spending time on the Internet
  • Not reading enough. This is solved when I stop spending time on the internet when I need to read
  • Not going to the gym consistently: schedule a time and place to go to the gym. make sure I stick to my study schedule so that I don’t need to study during my gym time.

So that’s what I need to do. . . it’s good talking about this stuff because it helps me think about what I need to do.

I just turned on the Self-Control all for 23 hours and 45 minutes. WordPress isn’t blocked so I can still make posts.

I’ll turn on the Offtime app too.

Marcus

About to Study

Brain Dumpers, near and far,

Welcome to another episode of Marcus Brain Dumps.

I’m sitting in Taco Bell, about to study for my exam in 5 days.  I’m writing the post so I can get off my mind all the things I’m thinking about.

I’m thinking about skipping drumming so I can study more. Skipping would buy me 2 more hours of studying. I don’t want to do this, though, because my overall mission in life is to get really good at the drums. I’m never going to stop playing. My identity is too wrapped up in it and I’ve benefitted so much from it, emotionally.

I wish that I could be like the cool kids. All the cool kids, they seems to get it.

Marcus

Missed Practice. Freaking out

Brain Dumpers,

I’m writing this post because I’m pissed that I missed drum practice today. I can feel myself taking it lightly and that’s not good. My whole purpose in life is to get better at drums and to contribute music to the world. That’s my destiny, Lieutenant Dan. I want to be good enough to inspire other musicians to play. Then, they make music and inspire more people to play, and on and on and on. The more art we make the more human we are. Art is the heartbeat of mankind. It’s a reflection of our health. It tells us how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, what our  troubles are, what we have to celebrate. It also heals, soothes, exhilarates, and releases us from our troubles.  I want to make some, it sounds cool. I’m getting this curious feeling from just talking about it that I’m accomplished enough that I should relax. But I’m nowhere near good enough!!!! I’ll need another 10 years before I’m even tolerable! And then I’ll need to practice even more to build my own style.

I’ve been playing music for about ten years now. I’ve been serious about it for about five years now. I’m settled on playing the drums as my main instrument and I’ve been playing drums for a year and 8 months.

I’m making too many exceptions now and I know it. Drumming and music is my purpose and I need to pratice 2 hours per day 6 days per week for now. Soon I’ll need to pratice 4 hours per day.

Marcus

 

Fighting Feelings of Worthlessness With Drumming

Hello you amiable aficionados of avocados,

Welcome to another Episode of Marcus Brain Dumps.

I was feeling down today about my drumming. After a year-and-a-half of 2-hour sessions on the drums 6 days a week (almost perfectly), I felt today that it had all been for naught. I felt like I was no longer impressive. And the excited anticipation of becoming better in order to show off to my friends and family left me all at once.

I felt like shit. In my woe, I absentmindedly started to drum. I immediately felt better. I think I’m starting to appreciate drumming for its own sake rather than the social benefits it creates. This is good! My ego is being stripped away and all that will be left is an appreciation for the art.

I’m still the best.

Marcus